Navigating Pregnancy While Being a Wedding Photographer
Planning for pregnancy while being the sole person responsible for my wedding photo business was nearly impossible. Being a type A, enneagram 1 with an innate need for planning out my life… this was the hardest pill to swallow. I remember asking a myriad of anxiety-induced questions to other photog friends who recently had babies, and by the end of it my head was spinning. These are all valid questions… and to be honest, your answer is going to look different than everyone else’s, so take it with a grain of salt!
Here are my responses to the same questions I had, what I chose to do, and what I’d do differently the next time.
We’re thinking of starting a family soon, when would you stop booking weddings? What if I turn down weddings, but then experience a miscarriage?
We knew we wanted to start a family by the end of 2021, but weren’t sure how long it would take to get pregnant. After chatting with a lot of friends, we decided I’d remove my IUD and go with the flow. “Que sera, sera,” right? Two months later… After feeling nauseous at my cousin’s birthday dinner and thinking I had eaten bad seafood, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive!!! We were so excited, but I was also experiencing prepartum anxiety and agonizing over every little decision I made during the pregnancy. I chose to keep booking weddings and hold off on telling any clients until I was past the first trimester. Those 6 weeks felt SO long. Everyone has a different opinion on this, but it was important to me to clear the first trimester because that is statistically when chances of miscarriage are lower… and it would mean that I was more likely to stay pregnant. There is always that possibility that if I told clients too early and something negative happened, that I’d then also potentially lose out on business and/or worry clients and/or change their plans for no reason. *enter the anxiety spiral*
What if I book weddings, then get pregnant and my due date is around the same time? How will I handle the weddings closest to my due date? What if I go into labor earlier than expected? How close to your due date did you stop taking on weddings? How soon after would you book weddings?
Once I passed the first trimester, it was time to figure out logistics!
My due date with Leo was June 15, 2021 and I already had weddings booked for May 2, 4, 8, 15, 29, June 11 & 17, July 2-5 around that due date. Also, half of those were postponements due to c-v!d. To say the least, I was STRESSED about all the above.
To ease my mind, I looked to science. Realistically, with any full-term pregnancy and given that due dates are really guesstimates based on embryo size & last menstrual periods, Leo could be born 3 weeks before his due date or 2 weeks after, which was May 25 – June 29.
I stopped taking weddings within that time-frame. Out of fairness, I knew I for sure had to give weddings booked between May 25 – June 29 options of either (A) an opportunity to use an associate photographer or (B) a refund of their retainer fee. As an added bonus, if they chose an associate, I also gifted them a 10 page, 10×10 album to show my gratitude for their grace and understanding. All editing, communication and service would still be provided by me, minus my absence on the wedding day.
Likewise, since my July wedding was a 3-day Indian celebration that could be anywhere from 2-4 weeks postpartum, it felt right to give them the associate or refund option. I personally knew that I would show up and give my all, but realistically could not predict if my labor would be smooth or if an emergency c-section would put me out from performing at their wedding. Luckily, the photog who referred them to me was now available (again, c-v!d postponement) and I connected with them so they could have a talented photog capture their day! Win-win. 🙂
I also stopped taking any more weddings for the rest of summer because I already had 3 (one in late July, 2 in August) and wanted to spend as much of those first 3 months with Leo. September was when I would officially return to a full work-schedule.
How do you break the news to your clients?What if my clients haaaaate me because I have to cancel on them?!
Okay to be honest, letting down people was my number one fear. The guilt of adding another layer of stress to wedding planning left me fearing that couples would be so mad at my pregnancy news. But… guess what? People are really more gracious, understanding, and thrilled for us than we might initially think! Everyone was so sweet and happy for us *cue the tears.* Giving those directly impacted clear and fair options made the news easier to swallow, because I wasn’t cornering them into losing money or forcing them to keep me as a photographer. This was key! 2 couples received refunds and 2 couples chose associates. Forever grateful to my photographer friend network and the four ladies who served my clients SO well!
It was important to reassure all other couples with weddings in May that I would double down on help in case I was experiencing unmanageable pregnancy side effects or went into labor ridiculously early. All May weddings had not only a second photographer, but a third assistant who could step in as a photographer in case of emergency. I didn’t end up needing them to step in, but it was AWESOME having someone carry my bags, bring me snacks and remind me to drink water. When you are that pregnant (weeks 32-36) and working 10-16 hour wedding days, it’s easy to forget to take care of your body & your baby.
You can download the email templates I used to break the news to clients for free, HERE!
How long will you take for maternity leave? How do you pay yourself during maternity leave?
Technically, my first wedding back was 6 weeks postpartum. Summer was slow but I still worked 3 weddings and 3 smaller photoshoots. California’s paid family leave is confusing to me, especially being an employee to my own business, so I decided to not take a formal maternity leave and continue paying myself as if I was working full-time. Mama’s got bills to pay 😉 California gives you one year after the baby is born to file for maternity leave, so I’m working on figuring it out!
If I could go back in time, I would only change one thing: taking a full 4 month maternity leave and giving those weddings the option of an associate or a refund. While I absolutely adore all the couples I work with and it hurts me to give up being part of someone’s wedding day, those first few months are some of the most beautifully difficult, fast-paced and fleeting moments with your baby. It’s also a delicate time of blossoming into a new version of yourself. One of my fave things I heard during pregnancy was “you aren’t only birthing a baby, you’re birthing a mom.” WOW does that hit hard. All the mental, physical and emotional shifts deserved more space and energy. A gift I will for sure give myself if we decide to try for a second baby.
For someone consumed with anxiety, I was truly lucky to have a healthy pregnancy, a smooth delivery and a beautifully healthy baby boy. Leo was born June 19, 2021 just in time for Father’s Day 😉 Maybe I’ll write the birth story one day.
If you are in the family planning season of life and want to read more from me, I’ll be starting a monthly newsletter (I promise, zero spam). You can sign up to receive emails about navigating pregnancy, motherhood and running a business here 🙂
With love,
Alex
p.s. scroll for photos! Maternity photos by Tida Svy Photography and Newborn Photos by Brittney Hannon Photography.
